hahahahaahah.... guess what ppl!! I bleached my hair!!! not all of it, of course. I don't have such horrible taste. I bleached only the lower bit. I think only up to my chin. my hair ends slightly above my shoulder blades now. so u just imagine. did i say alredy that i had rebonded my hair? like...long ago. so i rebonded and bleached. i was going for pink. but dumb ppl don't sell pink (shocking pink) in s'pore. or at least not anywhere i went to so i wanted blonde. but with my black hair, i couldn't really get a bright blonde. so the bleached part is now... as my sis' friend just said, golden. yup. hahah. me and my younger sis spent like so much time on it. starting out was the worst. in the end one side was done faster than the other side cos she took so long. hahah.
after this...i'm going pink. i'm going to get it from ebay. not sure whether its reliable though. only have to try to find out. but not so soon. i don't want my brain to turn to some chemical mush.
hahaha...imagine the faces when i go back to sch to get my results!!! oh man. i'll be nervous. cos i dont want any teachers getting on my back. the thing is, its none of their business. and its hard not to snap that at them. so... let's just see, shall we? but i'm gonna have split ends baby. my boss already warned me about that. but what the heck.
i think i remember that i swore never to dye my hair because i'll damage it. but that was then. if i don't destroy it, the weather will. i prefer putting my fate in my own hands, thank you very much. hahaha.
oh. and, my boss. yes. i'm getting to that. i've got a job!! yep. started beginning of this month. the 2nd, to be exact. at a photoshop, which doubles as a sub-post too. so i've got 2 things to learn. quite confusing at first. but i'm getting the hang of it. still making a few mistakes though. have to learn fast. it seems so long though. but when i count, its not even 3 wks. and i'm already looking to the end of it. damn. i have like, as the chinese say, 3-minute..er...hotness? direct translation, ppl. san fen zhong re du. hahah.
well, gtg. got another money scheme up my mind. tell u when it works.

quote: Wait till you're 70 to wear the purple hat out and it'll really be ugly.

hahah. u know u've got it. and why, oh why did i start writing abt this? hehehe...i was just reading a particular fanfiction. i paused in the middle to write here. when the guy got revenge for his lover by bashing the damn ppl up. heheheh.... what invoked the blood-thirsty devil was this sentence, i quote: 'well and he’d gotten revenge. Enough to satisfy his vengeful streak? Never—but it was enough to satiate him for now. He’d made them beg and cry. He’d made them scream.....After rinsing the blood from their hands and face—their clothes was a different matter—'
don't u just feel like punching somebody and draw some blood? god, i'm getting sicker by the day. but that's alright. it's not as if i'm not enjoying it. ; )
oh, anyway. hope the guy from the photoshop calls soon. he promised he'll call today. about my job. what were u guys thinking? i've been waiting days man. and if they don't call today, it'll prove me wrong. i don't like being wrong (who does?). but my family, esp my mum, has been saying that they're smoking me. and i won't get the job. sometimes its just plain maddening how they don't have any confidence in me. am i worth nothing? i just want to curse and swear everytime they ask me whether i've received a call and i tell them i havent and they give me that look. i know what i'm doing. stop doubting me. how would they like it if i doubt them everytime they settle the bills?

quote: 'My youth, like the little bird, will never return.' <Old chinese folklore song, translated by me>

rememeber the date ppl. 28th of jan 2005. cos tonight, the moon is red. yes. it is. no. not blood red. i'd be screaming my head off if it was. ok, my sis just called and i said it was red, she said it was purple. so the conclusion is, it's purplish red. reddish pruple. whatever. but it's wierd. i thought i'd never see a red moon. like the only red moon i heard about was in yami no matsuei whenever the mad doctor Muraki killed one of his vistims. so, yeah. the moon gives me the creeps tonight.
but speaking bout a creepy moon, my teacher...for a day, jc chinese teacher ok? i withdrew already. didn't like it. too much like secondary school. well, let's get back onto track.
she was saying that she intended to go to phuket, thailand on christmas last yr. but was too lazy to book with and tour grp or anything so she asked her husband, "why not sentosa?" so Shangri-la sentosa it was. on that christmas night, she and her hasband took a long walk along the beach. (i know. still young at heart, aren't they?) they spotted a coupla beach chairs and pulled it over closer to the shoreline and sat there to talk. then they spotted the moon. Big and round and yellow. like those u only see during the lantern fastival and whatever 15th day of the month. yep. but not only that, yellow, but with a red glow around it. it was...creepy. and she had a very bad feeling.
so more or less u know what happened the next day. boxer day of 2004. tsunami. yep. and on that, i would like to say that that is a japanese word. so hell to the americans. it is not SUnami. it is TSUnami. TS. TSU. so pronounce it as it is, bloody know-it-all bastards. i hate it when they change stuff like that. and PEOPLE FOLLOW. blind rats.

quote: 'Just take it as a joke you played.' <Black Humor by Jay Chou, translated by me.>

basically, anything to do with words. well, not anything. i am human and i do prefer some things over others. well, my interest in stories and words, descriptions etc has to do with my interest in psychology and body languages. and it thrills me when i find an author who can use those in his/her story to giveit so much more depth.

Man, how long haven't i been in here? it's changed a little, huh?

Well, anyway, i'm starting this topic-of-the-day thingy. i dont really like to type about nothing at all with no fixed point. so...the topic today is why i am a yaoi fan-girl. just in case you ppl out there dont know what yaoi or shounen-ai is, they mean 'gay'.

so, why. seriously, in the beginning, i never really thought much about it. i also never really hated gays. they were just.... taboo. and i never questioned why. just one of those things you accepted just cos everyone said so. the topic og boy-on-boy relationships never came up much. or rather, never came up serious enough to be considered or remembered before. but i must have made fun of them before. i dunno. but that all changed.

i 1st got interested...curious abt this when...hehe.. it all started out with saiyuki. and fanfiction. i hated fanfiction, seriously. always thought they ruined the whole story. i ran by a coupla webpages b4 but ignored them. then x. ying told me to absolutely not read one. so being the ever obedient one, i went to read one. haha... that started it. it was funny, really. wierd in the beginning. but after a while, you start to see. start to understand. its not all that wierd. nnot all that different, from a normal girl-guy relationship. sure, it defys the natural laws that seemed to have set on reproduction but.... here it comes, my theory and philosophy on this. Love.

Nobody understands it. (you may think i'm sidetracking, but i'm getting there) its just that, most ppl seem not to realise that homosexuals, though slightly different from the majority of the ppl, are, indeed, ppl too. they feel as much as the next person on the street. heterosexual or not. and they do love. let me ask u, when u feel an attraction to a person, do u know why? like, seriously, why? good-looking? sexy? kind? caring? a girl? a guy?

you dont ask the last 2, do u? but that is just bcos that has never been a prob for most of us. we naturally fall for the opposite sex. but that doesnt happen ALL the time. and what if it happens to u? its like an accident. u say it'll never happen to u. but what if it does? what do u do then? go into denial? still make fun of homos? of yourself? some ppl are gay through and through. as in they've never liked a girl(or guy) b4. some love the opposite sex, but find themselves falling for, of all ppl, one that is of the same gender. some just like both. and like i said, most of the time they dont know how it happened. it just....is.

let me clear it up now, i may be overly interested in homosexuals, gays more specifically, but i am definitely not one myself. believe me or not.

ok, lets get back to the topic at hand.  damn, i just forgot what i was abt to say. oh ya. the things ppl say to argue that gays are wrong. what right do you have to say that? that God made man and women for a reason? to be together. i... no, i don't think that comment would be appropriate now... anyway. it's the evolution of society. u don't see us eating with our hands now, do u? (i know some races still do, but that is not the point, they still use utensils sometimes) but, u dont see us girls wearing those...awful...long..hot...dresses anymore right? or the men holding a cane and walking about (like u see in all those old movies) just like how cars improve, technology evolves, and ppl change.

i do not think gays made themselves. its the change in society. who the hell made up this thing called love? they say love is blind, right? u dont choose who u fall in love with. all those who agree, say 'aye'. so u do not choose to fall in love with one of the same gender either. its not fair how ppl just put homosexuals down like that. like the chose it. ok, mayb some did. but, again, that is not the pt.

how can u put someone down just bcos they love somebody else? and nnot only that, they love the person for that person. past the very big factor of gender, even. can u say, that if u fell in love with a person with the same gender, that u can love that person? honestly and openly? like how know u are allowed to love one of the same sex? no? but what if the love was too strong? would u give up ur lovefor society's prejudices' sake? or love enough to love?

i seriously feel very strong for this. cos i feel society is trying to bring down something that they created themselves. like... like printing millions of posters, BIG posters, on saving trees by using less paper. its so damn ironic, it makes me sick sometimes. and i cannot see the justice in it. that is why i am gladd that the US made gay marraiges legal. that is why i am happy for the ppl there.

but let me state again that i am not gay. so stop thinking abt it.

quote: Love is blind.

family problems.... now this is one that i never really imagine my family having. even if its staring at me right in the face. cos i heard of family probs, but i guess i heard of only the serious ones. i do not intend to brand my family as one with a family problem. cos whatever we have, my parents don't divorce. hell, my father's not in jail. we're not broke. but we have a family problem. thats whats going on in my house right now. they're discussing it now. they say my grandmother's having...what? dimensia? i dunno. so she's getting on my mother's nerves. personally, i don't believe it. how can i? she behaves so.... alert sometimes. ok, so she makes things up. hallucinations, ya know. but, even these, i cannot believe. i dunno why. maybe i'm biased against her. ok, i am. but who won't be? i have said on many occasions, she's like xiu hui.
ok, so thats not the real family prob. but its the cause of it. so much tension and friction. my parents are nearly at a breaking point. i shouldn't be feeling selfish at this point. but i am. i can't help it. who isn't? everybody wants to be at this point. but i feel... pity? for my parents, that is. my father can't take sides and my mother can't get anybody on her side. but... what about us children? we can't take sides either. cos we understand both our parents. and we can't take any sides either. what can we do? and we have to bear the temper of both our parents.
now my mum's arguing her side to my uncle (father's bro). her voice is thick. she's going to cry soon. shit. can't think properly. can't type. so go. i mean....shit. gotta go. bye.

quote: "Never, EVER stay with your mother-in-law" <My Mom>

heheh.... I just thought of what to tell u guys today. boy, am i stupid. well, 1st of all, I made everybody x'mas cards. simple, mostly not that pretty, but i still made them. but today is x'mas eve and still i have not send out those cards waiting in their envelopes. why? couldn't get the stamps (didn't really bother that much), 2ndly, heh, I found out a few days ago that around festive seasons mail takes about a week to be sent. so i'm mailing only after x'mas. hahah. i just feel stupid thinking about it. eehehe. but i can't do anything now anyways.

ok, so todya was my cousin's b-day. we had dinner at a coffee shop. then after that my mom, younger sis, bro and I went into a medicinal hall to buy some shampoo and other stuff. that was all ok. then the guy used a calculator to calculate our the total bill and it came up to about 32 bucks. so my mum pulled the calculator a little closer and asked to check it herself. the damn bastard of a guy pulled it back and said "This is my stuff" whoa that idiot. I was just too shocked that such a person still existed that i didn't really do anything. so my mum said aloud, right in front of him, in english (they were speaking in chinese all along) that that was the 1st and last time we ever bought anything from there. so apparently the guy was english literate too (lucky us) and repeated that that was 'his property'. so my mum repeated that we would never buy anything from there ever again. then my mum said too the rest of us, who were watching his tv, that we should stop watching cos it was that idiot's property. of cos she was not so straight forward as me to call that guy an idiot and i was too shocked and embaressed to do so then, but i guess he got the point. boy i hope he goes broke and have to close down his shop. i hate such ppl. i would have dropped anything i had just picked up from the shop the moment those words left his mouth. or throw the damn thing back at him. but...we're civilised. for now.
so he ruined my whole evening. but feeling much better now.

oh oh. anyway. my story which i posted on a website was removed, saying that i had gone against some guidelines from the uploading of the story in the site. i wrote back to the admin today asking what the problem was and saying that i re-read the guidelines and found nothing that i violated and wanted a clear explanation. i was so angry, depressed and worried for the past few days cos of this.

oh, speaking of the past few days, went to band camp yesterday. boring. had to escape halfway through (even though we went only in the afternoon) to go to x. wei's house to play some ps 2 and comp. oh and i bought a new tenor sax. yesh. heheh. er...... i guess i have nothing else to report, though i think i just forgot.

oh, yes! i went to thailand for a few days a coupla weeks back. went to visit jane there. nice house she has. i watched kill bill 1 in her father's mini theatre with her and my sis. did so much shopping that my legs were numb throughout the last 2 days of the trip. hehe.

ya, so that's it. ciao!

quote: "This I promise you..." <'This I promise you', N'sync>

seriously, i miss my band sooooo much. well not exactly the bandw itself, more like being in the band and being able to play in the band. it was bad enough when i had to leave but i feel the tug more now as my younger sis is also in the band. not my previous sch of course. hers is a military band, but it is well established. not like ours, which had to start from scratch. sure u get the honour of being the 1st batch of band members but we missed out in so many other things an established band is able to do. moy younger sis, she is playing with the QYO tonight at victoria concert hall. i mean, can u believe it?!?!?! the QYO!!! she's like chosen to represent her sch to play with the QYO!!! that's the Queensland (i think, from aussi anyway) youth orchestra. ORCHESTRA. that is soooo superbly cool. and she's gonna get xtra cca points for that. not like us, spent sooo much of our time preparing for whatever performances the teachers ask us to play for to get nothing in the end. NOTHING!! not even one bloody xtra cca poinr. do u know how much time those band practices took up? how many brain cells it killed? how many years were cut off our lives?!?! i got a b3 for my cca grade. pathetic.
oh anyways, thats not the point. the point is, from what i hear from my sis, the aussie band is damn cool. funny too. heh. so i'm goign for her concert tonight. and i'm missing out on my primary sch class gathering to get there. but i dont care. cos i know how it feels to not have anyone there to see u play for all ur hard work. i, afterall, had a couple of experiances myself. and u do need ur family support to see the fruits of ur labour. thats y i'm going to see my sister play tonight.

hey hey ppl! its been soooo long since i came in here. nope. i never forgot about it. i wanted to come in here so many times but never felt like it. its the guilt that will plague u when u're doing something you're not supposed to. heheh..... but now, my exams are still NOT over. but i still came on anyway. it was just to see how long i could stand without the computer. actually not long. i came on many times to read fanfictions. but what's done is done. so far all my papers have been....ok. i've had worse. but this is not any other exams, no is it? argh, whatever.
so, i have 2 more papers left. 1 more day. and its a few days away. oh damn. just 5 now that i come to think of it. i'm still slacking today. yesterday was history. that was not a phrase. yesterday was my history paper.  last 2 papers on 22nd are dnt and science paper 1. what a wierd combination.
the most irritating thing that caught us all off guard during this time was that idiotic biology paper. as if the paper itself was not mind-boggling enough, they had to make a damn bloody mistake. 7 marks. the stupid mistake concerned 7 marks. and since the mistake was only at the 2nd qns of the whole paper, we got bloody mixed up, and who's fault is it? we trust them with our future and this is what they give us. bloody cambridge freaks. they had 2 long yrs to check the damn paper thoroughly. and not only by one person. the paper must at least pass through 4 ppl. and the mistake was one that totally defied common sense!!! they couldn't see it!!! now who should test who?? how are we supposed to trust the certificates given out by such ppl. its a disgrace!! an insult!!

u know that Blue song. breathe easy. i love that song. and if u were sitting for ur o's too u would know why. cos u just can't breathe easy till ur freedom's back. u see, i'm at the comp now, when i have 2 mock exams tml which i haven't even remotely studied for. i want to. haha. i do. really,(like u'd believe me) but i just want to sit down and rot somewhere-anything but study. but once i sit down i get so uneasy. DAMN MY O'S LESS THN A MONTH AWAY AND I'M NOT DONE STUDYING!!! LIKE, WHAT DO U EXPECT?!?!? and hell, i don't have that much stamina. i feel llike dying. damn. family back gtg.

quote: I can't breathe easy...I can't drean yet another dream without you lying next to me..There's no way.